The Case of the Drunken Beach Ho
A Semi-Fiction Novel
By.... Peter Hill
The Strip Down
Krsshhhh...Open sally port door...Ksshhhh...over. Krsssshhhhhh. Sally port door opening..Krsshhh. Over….. Car
Proceeds to enter……..
I’m being taken out of the car. Hmm I thought, what could this really be all about?More than likely, some human did
something and I’m the one paying the price. That usually happens with the little things in life, but not a crime. I’ve
always been guilty in my distant criminal past. But then again, this wasn’t the past. This was twenty something years
later and I’m not guilty. Still hand cuffed I’m directed into an elevator. The elevator appears to go up a few floors and
stops. Ding….. The doors open and I walk through, (Like Star Trek kinda’ stuff). I step out and to the right and ...pow!
I’m at one of a few cell doors. They unlock the cell and put me on in it. They close and lock the cell door and I sit down
on a little bench. No one was talking to me at this point, so I started to think to myself, “boy somethings really weird
about this situation”. It’s the first damn time in my life I’ve been in a jail cell without committing a crime. Well…..Almost.
There was the one time I was hitch-hiking through Severe County Tennessee. I was put in jail for thirty days for no
reason. But that was fate feeding me. I ate pretty well for a month. After, they just took me back to the freeway and
said “See ya”. With my full belly, I stuck out my thumb and merrily made my way back to the Florida Keys. But
that’s another story.
Being brought back to the present by the sound of the cell door being unlocked. I look up and there are three
Officers standing there. Two dudes and one lady with some medical looking stuff and a camera. They tell me to take
off my clothes. Holy crap I thought. These people are getting serious now. So I take off my shirt and hand it to the one
dude. The lady starts taking photos as they tell me to turn around. Then I proceed to take off my pants. One leg at a
time. Balancing on one foot and pulling the pant leg of my other. The one dude asks me if I’m alright, I say “Yeah”. I
don’t think he understood that I had just woke up. He probably thought I was as drunk as the Drunken Beach Ho that
was doing this to me. After I had fully disrobed the lady cop starts taking a bunch more photos, focusing on my arm
where there was a small scratch. Then she tells me to sit down and put out my arms. She starts wiping my arms and
hands. Next, she’s swabbing around in my mouth. Then she’s scraping my finger nails. And then, she starts cutting
my finger nails off. Damn I thought. You humans are really going to town on me. Where’s the cross? Any way, they
got done with all that and gave me a bottle of water. A little bit later the one cop, we’ll call him Officer “G”, asked me
my name and I said Lawyer. So he closed the door and walked away.
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